Thursday, May 12, 2011

Top 10 Ramblings at 1am

1.  Why....for the love, can't I keep that awesome yet damning island in my kitchen cleared off and pristeen?
2.  Why do I feel like (at 1am) that I've just finished Sunday Dinner and want to puke....(Not that Sunday dinner went south but that I ate WAY too much today)
3.  Is it really that hard to exercise everyday?
4.  Do I really want to get into the Masters Program at BYU....and if I do...what am I really going to do with the degree?
5.  Who am I?  What IS my purpose and am I on the path to fullfilling it?
6.  How can you tell if certain people are really your friends?
7.  Why are my kids so darned cute and there doesn't seem to be enough time in the day to scrapbook every moment?
8.  Do I really like Studio 5?  Or do I like to feel less than by those are being exploited for earning "Mother of Year"....(really?  MOY....come on....we all could stand to be up for that title....)
9.  Drink more water.....and write down EVERYTHING that I eat.
10.  Can I really go one month without purchasing new clothes/accessories.....and try to be creative within my own closet?

Friday, April 15, 2011

Run for Lindsey

I have no idea who this beautiful creature is...but I am inspired by her journey and her story. I will be running for her and her family.

www.runforlindsey.com


Thursday, March 31, 2011

Thursday of HELL

Actually turned out to not be that bad.  I realized after deep thought, that the "dementors" in my life only have the power if I let them have the power.  And I need to get me a Patronus to fight them with, so I chose happiness and the power of ignoring them (it's also in the shape of a bright, glittery bedazzled glitter cup).  I think sometimes I should get a medal for how much patience I'm able to muster in those situations.....I take a deep breath, and say to myself "God you made them....you do it.  I'm done."  And then surpisingly, I'm able to look forward to my Diet Dr. Pepper in my fancy cup and then everything will be alright.  My glitter-cup makes everything alright....it's like a blanket for a grownup.  I can't leave home without it because I won't feel safe unless I have it.  People laugh at me all the time (Dave) but frankly I don't care.  If some of these "demeantors" would just shut up and let me do my job....be open to learning, we could get a whole hell of a lot more done....but no, we spend 30 minutes just validating myself.  You know what?  I have nothing to prove.  From now on, not going to do it....not. going. to. do. it.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Is there something in the air?

I'm not quite sure what is up with me lately....but I have sure hit an all time low.  I feel blue.  I'm in such a wierd funk.  I don't really have words why I would feel this way but its crappy and I hate it.  I don't really have anything to complain about....great family, great place to live, I like my calling in church....the calling is kind of hard though because everytime I give a lesson, the week (or so....) after I feel like garbage.  I feel like everything I do is wrong or stupid.  I never say the right thing.  It's a horrible feeling to think that even your closest friends you can't even call and talk to.  Scary. Lonely.

But I refuse to eat it away.  (BTW didn't have any sugar today....) Feeding my soul hunger is number one priority and I need to figure out what it needs.  Hello little soul....what the hell do you need?  JUST TELL ME!  Sometimes, if I don't feed it with food I tend to feed it with things...buying things because I actually think people will like me better, or want to hang out with me.  Dumb, I know.  So embarassing that I'm even admitting it.....Because if they were my real friends they would like me for me.

Do you ever have people in your life that drain the very essence of your being?  My Thursday is filled with them.  I think I've been given some sweet tender merciful students that make my day a little brighter...but living through a Thursday is like living through Calcutta.  Oy vey!

This is a lot of random thoughts...but surprisingly, I feel a little better.  Yes I just rambled...but,  I got off my chest some the thoughts that have been plaguing me.  So there you have it....my brain.  Isn't it pretty? Ick.

Monday, March 28, 2011

"Just"

There is this song in the musical "Working" called "Just a Housewife". It talks about all the stereotypes that women, who choose to be housewives and mothers, undergo and how it makes them feel dumb for choosing that lifestyle. I don't mean to complain and all, but it makes you feel like your two feet tall being just a wife. Is it dumb that they need you there is it dumb to care cause I do ya see......It's a big job to be a wife and mother. It's hard. It's thankless. And it's also looked down on by many people in this world.

I think there are several thankless and "less-than" jobs out there just because of their title.

I would have to say especially regarding teachers...and not just all teachers but specifically "high school" teachers. Let's go even more specific...."high-school drama teachers". If I have to hear "no offense" before someone takes a jab at high school teachers I might just punch them or scream or rip their heads off. (Watch out...I mean it!)

My husband teaches high school drama. It's hard. It's thankless. And it's looked down on by many people (unfortunately some of my "friends"). "Just" because someone works at a high school doesn't mean they automatically get paid less because it's high school. "Just" because it's high school doesn't mean they don't get taught almost everything they learn in college....and probably better. "Just" because it's high school doesn't mean that teachers aren't teaching their subject, and responsibility, and morals, and values, and giving therapy, and spending almost 14 hour days 6 days a week away from their family.

Favorite Quotes: (to my face)
"No offense to you or your husband, but high school theater isn't really about theater.....it's about feeling good and socialization." (What?)
"Well, I don't want to teach "high school", I'm going to teach college..." (That confident huh?)
"Well, you don't know what it's like....you teach "high school" (UGH!)
"He can't make more money than me, he's a high school teacher" (Really?)

My good friend Syd Riggs died "just" a high school teacher...and I'll be damned if she didn't have almost everyone under the sun that she had influenced at her funeral. She taught a lot about life and yourself when she was directing. She loved to laugh, and stay busy....but she loved her theater family. And she influenced more kids at her "just" high school job than anywhere else. (I miss you, Syd)

Next time you decide you need to have some kind of jab towards a "high school" teacher why don't you actually talk to them first....just have a conversation about what they really do instead of just believe all the horrible stereotypes you've made up in your head. Just be respectful of someone's profession.....whatever it may be.

I'm sure this is filled with typos....but I'm "just" a voice teacher.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Just call me Wemberley Worried...


I don't know if you know this book or not...but it is a children's book about this little mouse who is worried about everything. She's worried that she won't have friends, that she'll look different, that she'll look too much the same, that she'll miss her mom and dad...I mean you get the picture. She worries about EVERYTHING! That's me....I'm Wemberely.

I worry that I'll offend someone. I worry that I will make a mistake. I worry that I'll be good. I worry that I'll be successful. I'll worry that I'll fail.....etc.....I mean the list goes on and on. Sometimes I worry that if I worry too much...that'll make myself sick or give myself some disease. I don't know....I guess I can't please everyone and the most important people I should try to please are my husband, my kids...and then everyone else. Okay, I should put myself in there somewhere but who has time?

As I contemplate this whole going back to school thing....I feel afraid sometimes that I'll be good or successful. That would mean that something would change...wouldn't it? My great safe haven that I have created for myself will without a doubt change. Is that what I want? Or do I just want to stay within the confines of my safety net and not progress. No...I want to grow and progress. But why does it have to feel uncomfortable at times? I feel like I'm wearing clothes that don't fit quite right....and I have to keep adjusting them to feel comfortable.

Not really sure where I was going with this....but I guess publishing that I am THE biggest worrier EVER was very theraputic for me.

All right. I'm done.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Time for the Big Girl Pants....

So as many of you know...I've decided to go back to school in hopes of getting my Masters Degree in Vocal Performance. I'm not exactly sure why....but I know it's the right time and as of now I don't have any career advancement hopes...but in case a door opens I'm prepared with the necessary degrees to be competitive. Anyway, besides getting married and having kids...I don't think I've ever done anything more scarey in my life. Attending class for the first time, I felt like I was going to throw up, I got all hot and sweaty and litterally couldn't breathe for a good hour (length of the class) I was also so nervous that I couldn't spell normal words like...the, what, music, what? I probably shook for a good week after classes started. You think I'm exaggerating...uh not. I'm serious.
The other thing I've noticed, is that while I've always prided myself in my performance abilities....I can't act or perform worth a darn. I freeze. I shake so bad that I think I've developed some kind of disease. My voice metamorphoses into some kind wierd little goat bleeting for her mother....and believe me when I'm singing in front of my class. I need a blanket, a binkie, and my mother. I'm pathetic~
But the other day, after my teacher kindly let me have a mini meltdown in her office about why the H I should be doing this....I decided I was going to put on my big girl pants and do what I do best. No I don't sound like bonifide classical/opera singer now....but I will in the future. I'm a hard worker. AND....I'm going to act the crap out of these poems/songs....like I've never done before. This is something I can and will do!
Now time to really get dressed and maybe go to school!